Paying off debt, saving, and living simply all take planning, something I'm not as good at as I really thought.

I've really resisted planning things out because it seems to take so long. Am I just the kind of person that has to have something to complain about? It's probably just the fact that my Dysthymia and SAD get in the way of planning because they make it seem like so much work. In reality I don't like to take time away from what I want to do and I always think what I want to do is more important than anything else. Wow, I guess it's true that saying, "The truth hurts.", because that hurt to admit. I wonder how much I've messed up my family by always putting myself first? I guess I'm getting into things that might not have a place on this blog. Sorry about that.

I'm going to take small steps in planning so that I don't get frustrated when something unexpected happens because I don't want to fail and I don't want to give up.

Over the weekend I took a few steps in the right direction. I have a huge problem with fast food. I know how bad it is for you, but the convenience (well, what I have convinced myself is convenience) is the big draw. We ate lunch out on Saturday, but it was with my mom & dad and they paid. Sunday we didn't eat out at all. Today has been a different story. After I left school this afternoon with my son he says, "Mom, can we go to McDonald's please?" It was cold and rainy and I gave in. I feel slightly disgusted with myself, but I don't feel as guilty as I have in the past and I'm not sure why. I did however, feel enormous guilt when the total came up on the screen. $10.37 for two of us to eat lunch. How outrageous is that? I know I could have definitely used that $10 for something else, putting it in savings, using it to pay on a bill, anything other than what I used it on. I need to keep those thoughts in the forefront on my mind when those opportunities come up. The day isn't over, so I will have more opportunities to say no to spending for things we don't need. The only good thing that came out of it is that I paid cash for it. I guess that's a pretty small consolation prize, but a prize non the less.

Hey all, my name is Janet. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope you will enjoy what you read and maybe even learn something along the way.

This blog is about my experiences relearning how to handle money. I am a 34 year old stay at home mom (SAHM) to two kids and two dogs and a wife of 11 years to my husband; we also have about $90,000 in debt not including our 2 mortgages. I am in the process of digging myself out and would like to take you along on that journey.


My husband and I got married in September of 1997 shortly after we bought our first house. At the time we were both working full time and bringing home $4,200 per month total. That's pretty good considering we were 21 & 23 at the time. Our first house was a real fixer upper, and that began our current struggle with debt. We spent 4 months fixing it up (on credit) and then had to furnish it. We fell for the 90 days same as cash and no interest for a year game and got a couple more credit cards. By the time the house was taken care of it was time to finish paying for our wedding. Guess what we used to pay for that? You got it, credit cards.

While still on our honeymoon we found out that my in-laws were moving and they wanted to know if we were interested in buying their house. My husband was all for it, it was the house he had spent half of his life in and me being only 23 thought, how cool to have a house bigger than the one I grew up in. So we bought it. We now had to furnish a house double the size of the one we were in and that meant more financing on credit cards.

Soon after we bought the new house we had to start helping with my brother-in-law's wedding. We were both in it and I (being the good sister-in-law) put on one of the bridal showers and helped pay for the bachelorette party; my husband put on the bachelor party. We, as usual, went all out. I mean, we were making great money and it just seemed like everyone expected us to put on the biggest and best parties; we [b]wanted[b/] to put on the biggest and best parties, so we financed it.

By this time things are starting to get a little tight but since we never had to budget our money we weren't quite sure how to handle the problem. Through the luck of my husband making some awesome commissions at work we were able to pay off the credit cards and get back to our comfortable way of life and I quit my job. About this time we we started a business with my brother-in-law. I ran the "office", my brother-in-law ran the crew, and my husband put in the money. Things were up and down; for awhile it seemed like all we were doing was putting money into the business, but then things got better.

In March of 2001 we welcomed our daughter into the world. We did so well at not going overboard on buying her clothes and toys; we let everyone else do that for her. After all, she was the first grandkid on both sides of the family. Things went well till about her first birthday and then my husband got the itch to move. He wanted to be closer to the water, so we started looking for a new house. The houses we were looking at were double in size of what we had and double the payment, but we both thought we could handle it. We finally found a house that we both agreed on and in October of 2002 we moved for the third time.

During this time period the business was starting to go downhill again. We also decided to have another child. In August of 2003 we welcomed our son into our lives. By now I was tired of doing the business thing, I just wanted to raise my kids and not have to worry about anything else. We didn't do as well with our son as we did with our daughter, I started buying clothes for him and other things for him. Unfortunately I felt that if I bought something for him I had to buy something for her too. My husband and I weren't any better with ourselves. If we saw something we wanted, we bought it. We'd pay the credit card bills in full most of the time, but sometimes we'd roll over some of the balance for a few months. We were always good at paying everything on time. After all, my husband worked in the mortgage business, how could he preach good credit if he didn't follow what he preached?

In December of 2003 we decided it was time to get rid of the business, so we closed it down. We were never able to sell it so we just sucked up the costs and considered it a learning experience.

By now were never paying off the balances and continuously rolling them over every month, but the bills were getting paid on time. I think that was about the time I fell into my debting/spending addiction. I was lonely being home with the kids all day, my husband was working 12 to 14 hour days, and all my friends had full time jobs and didn't have husbands and kids to worry about. I cured my loneliness by spending. I bought clothes, toys, books, music, movies, you name it I bought it. We also ate out all the time (at least once a day if not twice).

Slowly the credit cards balances got higher and slowly the mortgage industry got worse. In November of 2005 my husband was moved to a different area of his company and he started working 14 to 16 hour days because it was much harder for him to bring in business. Being a salesman on 100% commission is always tough, but it suddenly got harder. His paychecks slowly started to get less and less and we started dipping into the savings accounts to pay our bills. By February of 2008 we were at the point where we had to take a loan against my husband's 401k and soon after that we had our first month of him bringing home a paycheck that didn't even cover our mortgage payment. I started robbing Peter to pay Paul (using the checks from the credit cards to pay bills) and by August we couldn't even do that anymore since I had maxed out the credit cards. All this time I am still in denial and spending away like any day life is going to turn around and we're going to have this windfall. Boy, was my magical thinking at an all time high.

Shortly after our son's 5th birthday in August I confessed to my husband my debting/spending problem and we've slowly been trying to figure out how to dig ourselves out of this hole. We've talked about bankruptcy and my husband is actively looking into it, but we both know that we need to repay these creditors. We borrowed the money so we need to pay it back. I finally cut up all my credit cards (I have 12) and closed them. My husband's credit cards are still open as he was able to cut back on his spending and I wasn't. We are now living on about $1,200 a month with $90,000 in credit card debt/loans.

We don't have a plan yet for when we are going to be able to pay off all the debt because it all hinges on how much my husband makes and that fluctuates every month. I have committed myself to staying away from the things I don't need at the store (much easier said than done, I know) and cutting out the stops at the fast food restaurants. I think for me fast food is even harder to stay away from than buying wants, but I'm committed to this for me and for my family. I think of all the things that I've shown my children when it comes to managing money and I can't believe what a poor role model I was. I hope as they get older they will be able to see how dangerous credit is and how easily life can be lived without it.

Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you will continue with me on this journey as my husband and I pay off our debt and learn to live within our means.